Legacy by Jessica Blank

Author:Jessica Blank
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2018-07-10T08:52:08+00:00

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The next morning the sunlight pries my eyelids open and I watch Jeff sleep beside me. Last night, falling asleep, I kept thinking about my hike with Aaron. How he saw me, picked me out; how being near that tree I saw the math and patterns and aliveness that were all one thing; how safe and small and holy that made me feel for those ten minutes, and how that feeling seemed totally normal for Aaron. That means he’s had that feeling before. Lots of times. That means he knows all kinds of things I want to know.

Aaron saw something in me, though I have no idea what, and in the woods he showed me things and assumed I’d understand them. I wanted to know more about those things. I wanted someone who could show me all of them.

I don’t know if Jeff can, I think to myself, watching him sleep. And then I flinch, because that thought scares the hell out of me. He’s all I have. It’s not like I’ll ever wind up with Aaron. Even if Aaron thought of me that way, which he doesn’t, his girlfriend is the only female human on the planet who’s basically ever been nice to me. I don’t want to wreck that. I don’t want to wreck whatever they have together. I don’t want to wreck anything. I already did that. I wrecked my whole family. That’s enough for an entire life.

I need to be with Jeff. But I also felt something out in the forest that I’ve never felt before, something better, and bigger, and real. I don’t want to give that feeling up.

That means I need to make Jeff understand it.

Today I’m awake first, so I can stop him before he heads over to the bus with Stone and Goat and them. I can show him what I saw. I rustle his shoulder and wake him up. He grunts, then rolls over and rubs his eyes to look at me. “What’s up?” he says, bleary.

“I want to show you something,” I say, the same way Aaron said it to me.

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